I have been one of those girls who falls for guys really hard, really fast. It all sort of happens in a whirlwind without me realising it. One minute I’m just living my life as usual, and the next, there he is, prince charming… and my world turns upside down.
From a normal life, I am suddenly thinking about him constantly, getting butterflies in my tummy, checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if he’s texted, and constructing text messages in my mind without ever sending them. This new guy becomes the centre of my universe, the subject of all my thoughts and daydreams, and I have to hold myself back not to mention him in every conversation with friends so as not to look too obsessive. Sound familiar?
I think I’ve made all the possible mistakes one can make in this ‘getting to know’, or ‘dating’ phase. I’m not an expert in dating by any means, but I think I’m an expert in making mistakes while dating, so hopefully you can learn from some of mine….
I could tell you all the usual things people advise, like not to text him unless he texts you first. Personally, I never had the self-control or patience to do that, and it never worked in my favour. I could also advise you not to sleep with him until you know he actually truly cares about you. I have made that mistake many times, thinking that having sex with a guy will make him want to be with me. I can assure you, it has never happened that way.
There are millions of these practical tips in dating. But what I really want to talk about is why I have made so many mistakes.
It’s actually very simple. It’s because of my low self-worth. Because I didn’t love and believe in myself, I put all my hopes into prince charming being the one who might love me just as I am, insecurities and all. This meant that when he liked me I felt great, and when he didn’t I felt miserable. My state of being was completely dependent on how he behaved towards me.
Seeing myself crumble when a guy wasn’t interested in me showed me that something was wrong. I realised that I can’t keep looking outside me for the love I don’t have inside me.
Since then, I have been building my confidence from within. Whenever I have critical thoughts about myself, I remind myself that I am good enough, regardless of whether I am getting attention from the guy I like. I practice connecting to that place within me where I believe I am loved exactly as I am. The practice of turning on that tap of love within me is getting easier, and the flow is getting stronger.
Now if a guy doesn’t like me I still feel a bit sad and upset, but it doesn’t make my world collapse, because I still have myself. Each time I make that choice to look inward instead of outward for reassurance, it is building my inner strength. This has become my new rescue remedy for heartbreak, and it’s building the foundations for a happy and healthy relationship, with myself and with others.